Recently, a dear friend of mine, who has been through her own caregiving journey, asked me how I handled the times when I couldn’t handle one more thing.

Caregivers, we take on a lot of things. I know what I carried in my heart and soul, and I could handle a lot of hard things to be honest. Hospital stays, medication charts, doctor appointments--those are all a lot. We can see the way through the tough stuff because we love our person who is handling all of this as the patient. We try to take as much off their shoulders as we can. We try to hold up the roof so they can rest and feel sheltered. We do this because we are committed and strong. We are all ears and eyes like a security guard, making sure our person is safe, cared for, and reminded that they are not alone. Caregivers, we are pretty great! Do you know what else we are? Caregivers are human. We can only take on so much before reaching a point where we cannot handle one more thing.

If you have visited a major hospital in the middle of a city, I can guarantee that you have had moments of frustration in a parking garage. After we handle the medical procedures, the waiting room nerves, the instructions we retain to care for our loved one, the news that sometimes hurts and brings in new fears, we compose ourselves, thank the doctors and nurses, and head for the car. And then, we drive up to the meter to leave the parking garage using the ticket we got on the way in. Simple enough, right? After a particularly difficult few days with my husband at the hospital, all I wanted to do was get going. I had an hour and a half drive ahead of me, and I hadn’t eaten all day. I had slept three straight days in a weird chair in my husband’s hospital room. I just wanted my shower and my bed, my safe place to process the past few difficult days.

When I put the ticket in the reader, the gates did not open. The message said the card was not readable. I took it back out and put it back in. Same message. Three more tries and the same message. I had already paid at the kiosk. I knew it was a good ticket. And I was stuck. There was a car behind me. So, I took a deep breath and stuck the ticket in with prayers and all the good vibes I could muster. Guess what? It didn’t work.

At that very moment, the person in the car behind me honked at me. She honked at me! That happened to be that one more thing I could not handle. I hopped out of my car and threw my hands up in the air and jumped up and down. I said something like, “Do you think I want to be stuck in here?” The jumping up and down, the unbrushed hair, the look of sheer “I’m done” on my face gave her pause, and I believe she regretted honking at me. The poor lady gave me a bewildered look of recognition and surprise.

I must have been on camera because, like magic, the gate lifted, and the next thing I knew, I was back in my car, heading down the ramp. I got to the bottom of the ramp and was waiting to turn left. The lady who honked at me showed up next to me in the lane to turn right. We looked at one another and smiled, even giggled. Because, I am assuming, as much as that honk was my one more thing, being stuck at the gate behind some wild woman was her one more thing. She was most likely in a situation like mine.

Moral of my story? Gosh, caregivers take so much on, and we can handle a lot. But when we cannot take that one more thing, there is someone else who understands and who has most likely been there. Can we foresee every little thing that may come our way? No. We are going to reach a point sometimes when we just cannot control our reactions. It is normal to have moments like this.

I drove home smiling about the encounter in the parking garage, and it felt good. Was it my best moment? No. Was it almost necessary to let go of my overburdened emotions? I think yes. I didn’t drop my guard when things were vital. I lost control over something insignificant. The parking garage moment didn’t matter in the long run. What counts is that I was present and in touch when it did matter. I suspect you are doing amazing things right now. Please be kind to yourself if you find yourself facing that one more thing. You are doing great.

I think of my parking garage honker often for some reason. I wonder if she tells people that I was her one more thing with a smile like I do.

Take care my friends. Take good care.