National Cancer Survivor Month and a Legacy of Learning

June is National Cancer Survivor Month. I am so happy if you are reading this article as a cancer survivor–someone living with cancer–or are part of the base of support for a survivor. These recognition days or months can be hard for those of us whose loved ones have passed away, but recently so many things have shown me that my husband Jimmy still happens to be reaching into my life in beautiful ways.

Jim was a member of the International Union of Elevator Constructors (I.U.E.C.). His work life was demanding. There were a lot of safety rules that had to be followed. There had to be effective communication and teamwork and also personal confidence and strong decision making skills. Jim supported and relied on his union family, and the union believes in taking care of one another. In that spirit, his union chapter, I.U.E.C., Local 18, donated the funds to start the Healing NET Virtual Neuroendocrine Cancer Tumor Board.

This is a program for medical professionals to learn from one another. Physicians, advanced practice providers, nurses, and other medical professionals are invited to attend if their work includes caring for those with neuroendocrine cancer. Providers can present a case in an online multidisciplinary tumor board led by experienced clinicians and discussed with colleagues from across the country. The benefits are across the board. Although patients cannot attend, patients from across the country will benefit as the medical professionals exchange ideas from their different experiences, disciplines and approaches. Their level of knowledge and dedication is awe-inspiring. These physicians work tirelessly, and the fact that they can enjoy a sense of community in the tumor board is really important. Jim would always ask all of his doctors from different states to talk to one another, so I feel Jim is close by when there is a professional and passionate discussion on a case. This gift from the union is making one of Jim’s dreams a reality.

I would like to personally thank the I.U.E.C, Local 18, for their donation and Dr. Eric Liu and Healing NET for starting this amazing program. Being a part of launching this program has given me peace and pride. I feel connected not just to Jim during these meetings but to all patients and caregivers. Even though the reminders of Jim not being here to hug during National Cancer Survivor Month are hard to ignore, it is tangible to me how he lives on in his friends, his union and my work here at HNF. He lives on through the stories I hear from his union brothers and sisters. He shines through my children's eyes and the tone of their voices. There is a sense of his beautiful energy in my life. May you all feel your own importance during this month and the importance of your loved ones that have passed but are still remembered and shaping our world.

 

 

The Costco Chicken

My husband Jimmy has been on my mind and in a lot of my conversations recently. His birthday was last week. Family birthdays, the day we got married and the anniversary of his passing all bring up feelings of loss. My HNF team, Mia and Margaret, suggested that I write occasionally about how I have experienced grief. As always, I hope you find something relatable or helpful through my experiences.

One of the things I have learned about grief is this: It is its own boss, and its timing is not up to the griever! I thought I would have some sort of control over where and when I would be sad or upset, but grief decided to show up strong when I would least expect it.

Who knew that going to the grocery store would be such a trigger? Soon after Jimmy passed, I walked into our local Albertson’s and got about 10 feet in the door and almost fell to my knees. The feeling is not something I can explain. I felt like I couldn’t hold myself up. My overwhelming sense of loss won that day. I ended up running to my car and heading back home.

I tried Target a few days later. I made it in the door and all the way to the soap aisle. Panic set in as I thought about soap. What kind do I want? Do I buy the same soap with the scent I loved to smell on Jimmy when I would give him a hug as he left for work every morning? Did I want to try something new that reflected my own liking instead? I stood in the soap aisle sniffing every bar they sold at least twice. I ended up in tears and left without soap. Without groceries and soap, things could get pretty grim!

Fortunately, I ended up using a grocery delivery service. One of the costs of grief for me was paying someone to shop for me. I did some research and discovered that shopping was a very common trigger for a grief episode. Like many before me, I didn’t realize how much shopping for essentials is an act of love. It was not for my own well-being only. For 30+ years, it meant my husband’s favorite fruits, veggies, snacks, and soap were carefully chosen with his happiness in mind.

Six years in...

• I found a soap I like. It isn’t the same one we used before. I just couldn’t. However, I am please with my new choice.
• I can swing into Target or the grocery store now. I don’t love it, but hey! Staying away from stores saves me some money.

I got seriously brave recently and went to Costco. First time in years. I made it to the self-checkout with a basket of goods. Jimmy loved a good Costco run. That little thought brought on small tears. I felt grief sneak in and tried to hurry through the process of paying. As I was putting a cooked whole chicken on the checkout area, it slipped out of my hands. I tried to catch it but ended up ripping the lid off and sending a hot whole cooked chicken sailing through the air. As it was sliding down the aisle, I yelled, “Chicken down, chicken down!” I was hoping the “man down” reference would stop people from slipping on the chicken trail.

I left without a chicken, but I did manage to make a lot of random people laugh. The tears in my eyes were not just sadness but a bit of happy tears as well! Jimmy would love that I flung a chicken in Costco. He would just love it.